Search This Blog

Thursday, July 10, 2025

Split My Chest and Take My Heart

"You'll only understand when you become parents." I don't know if you've ever heard adults say this, but I have heard it many times. Even from my teachers.
The teachers would use this phrase when scolding the entire student body because they couldn't definitively identify who was responsible for pasting propaganda posters in the school toilets to incite high school students to join the '88 Uprising. As you know, a high school is full of eyes, so the school entrance, the notice board, and the snack stalls were not viable spots. The staircase landings were a possibility, but the teachers went up and down them more often than the students. In the end, with the culprit remaining unknown, it was decided that the inside surface of a toilet stall door was the best and most effective place to post the provocative flyers.
Even though this one issue was solved, another problem remained: the bag checks at the school entrance every morning. I don't know about other schools, but ours was co-ed. When they checked the girls, it was a cursory inspection, and if there were a lot of students, the girls weren't even checked at all. However, the "involved-in-everything" and "star-of-every-show" types were searched thoroughly, to the point of having to shake out our longyis. It was a good thing they didn't check us like they do at the toll gates. So, the situation presented a clear solution. The troublemakers, being used to jumping through hoops, were easily identified in these situations. Previously, whenever we wanted to bring a "Yadana Win Htein" magazine to school, we had to rely on the girls. They were trustworthy. In those days, it was fashionable to write in "auto-books," which were just school notebooks. We would hide the flyers between the pages, seal them in a paper bag, and tell them, "This is my girlfriend's diary. If my friends see it, you know what will happen." That way, even if they were checked, they wouldn't flinch. And so, the "free advertising spaces" on the inside of the school toilet doors became a place for spreading socialist revolutionary propaganda, with something new and fresh every day.
The teachers could never catch us red-handed. When they questioned us on suspicion, we wouldn't confess. So, they would lecture us at length about how grave our actions were, and that’s when they’d say it: "On the day you become parents, you will understand why we worry and just how much we have to worry." I still remember the name of the teacher who said this: Daw Kyu Kyu. To show you how mischievous we were, as she was leaving the classroom, I asked, "Teacher, you're not married, are you?"
She replied, "Go on, what are you trying to say?"
"Well, you said we'll only understand when we become parents, so I was just wondering how you would know."
"Oh yeah? Come here, I'll pinch your belly and explain it to you!" she retorted.
Over time, I had completely forgotten about this playful exchange.
Now that I am 53 years old, I find myself worrying about my teenage son in Yangon. Every time people tell me, "Your son is just like you," I start to wonder if I should go and live near my teenager if it's too difficult to bring him here. When I think about it, I can no longer sleep, tossing and turning in bed. I get up, go out for a cigarette, walk around, and wonder, "What should I do?" With no answer in sight, I blame the entire world. It is in those moments that I hear Teacher Daw Kyu Kyu's voice: "Son, do you understand now? What it means to 'only understand when you become a parent'."
Respectfully,
Agga

AADAP

THERAPEUTIC COMMUNITY (TC)

AADAP, Inc.


---

When I hear the word “AADAP,” it reminds me of the word MONAD—which stands for “Mouth On No Active Duty.” It means simply to close your mouth and yell out loud.

One of the key goals of this training is:

> “Lifelong abstinence from drugs.”



The core purpose of the rehabilitation program is to enable individuals to eat, live, speak, socialize, and move around without drug dependence—so they may reintegrate into society as renewed, healthy individuals with fresh minds, new thoughts, and full strength.

Only by doing this can one walk forward confidently toward a bright and clear life goal.


---

Concepts of Change

There are 3 core changes expected:

1. Attitude – How we behave, speak, and live


2. Direction – Where we’re headed in life


3. Lifestyle – How we structure our daily lives




---

> There are basic principles of change:
Attitude, Direction, & Lifestyle.
By transforming these, I am on my way to a better life.
First, I must believe: “People need people.”
Without care and concern for others, I cannot grow.
As addicts, we may feel damaged—but we are not beyond repair.
Through people, I will change my attitude.
I will seek a new direction.
I will cease to believe:
“Once an addict, always an addict.”
With these changes, I will build a healthy lifestyle.
With positive values,
I am allowed to become the person
I’ve always wanted to be.




---

Living With Intention

The program teaches how to live with purpose and discipline—how to act, speak, and behave properly in everyday life.

Participants come to the program either:

After detoxing in a hospital

By personal choice

Or by court diversion programs (like Second Chance for incarcerated youth)


Each trainee is assigned a counselor, who is responsible for guiding their progress in health and social development. One counselor oversees about 8 trainees.


---

Daily Responsibilities

The office team helps with:

Medical appointments

DMV license processing

Health care cards

Reapplying for lost ID or important documents

Program budgeting for outings

Issuing visitor passes

Weekly activity planning


The kitchen is managed weekly by trainees. Based on existing food inventory, menus are prepared and shopping lists submitted. They say jokingly, “Here at AADAP, the best thing is the food!” Ice cream is served by the 5-gallon bucket.

Trainees handle:

Cooking

Cleaning

Daily meetings

Organizing by roles like:

House Coordinator (HC)

Sanitation lead

Maintenance lead

Kitchen lead

Pet care (for the program's dogs, cats, turtles, etc.)



They even accommodate blind individuals and mothers with babies, providing separate rooms and support systems.


---

Golden 14 Days

For the first 14 days, new trainees live solo in a motel-quality room with attached bath. During this time:

They are mentored by a responsible trainee

They are shown how the program works

They are introduced to staff

The mentor takes responsibility if the new person makes mistakes


There are night checks at midnight, 1 a.m., or 3 a.m., and door locks are monitored for safety.


---

Program Culture

Trainees are encouraged to:

Speak directly but respectfully

Share meals, chores, and emotional space with others

Let go of grudges and speak up during meetings


The program includes AA, NA, CA, CMA meetings, and even parenting classes.


---

Sample Weekly Activities

1. Work Therapy


2. Seminar & Autobiography


3. SUD 101 (Substance Use Disorder 101)


4. Journal Workshop


5. Current Events


6. Physical Fitness


7. Weekend Overview


8. Recreation Program


9. Gender Group Meetings


10. House Group Meetings


11. Phase Group Meetings


12. Small Group Meetings


13. Special Group Meetings


14. House Meetings


15. NA/CA/CMA/AA Meetings


16. Seeking Safety & Yoga


17. Anger Management


18. Relapse Prevention


19. Life Skills Seminars


20. Smoking Awareness


21. Nutrition


22. Movie Reviews & Reflections


23. Parenting Classes (only for those with children)




---

Support After the Program

Sponsors are provided: people with similar life experiences who now live successfully in recovery

These mentors guide, advise, and even help financially

Trainees are encouraged to stay connected through NA/AA groups



---

Philosophy on Addiction

Drug use is not treated as a crime here, but as a condition requiring care and compassion. Even if someone enjoys the high, they are not judged. Instead, the focus is on understanding why they use—whether from trauma, peer pressure, heartbreak, or mental health.

> “Only when you fix yourself can you walk the right path.”
“True life begins with sobriety.”




The Dark Side of the Fisheries Industry

(A story based on true events)
A young man in his early twenties was typing a resignation letter on his personal laptop. He was overwhelmed by frustration and anxiety, and filled with nothing but immense regret for his actions, which he could no longer undo.

Chapter 1
A Path Paved with Flowers

One could say that the young man named Thura was lucky. Right after finishing high school, he immediately got a job as a Protocol Officer at the Thailand-based Italian-Thai Company. Although he was happy to get the job, he didn't even know what a Protocol Officer did; he had never even heard of the position. A Thai woman, whom he had known since childhood as a friend of his father when his father was a government official in Myanmar, was now a director at that company. She was fond of him like a nephew and had hired him out of respect for his parents.The next day, he rode his black Kawasaki Ninja 2 motorcycle to a spacious compound on Inya Road in Yangon. At the front of the large compound stood an old, two-story colonial-style house. Within that compound, behind a second gate, was a modern three-story building. This large compound was the Myanmar branch office of the Italian-Thai Company, 
As soon as I arrived under the portico of the main house, a young man ran out and asked if I was Ko Thura. I just nodded. "Madam isn't here, she just went back to Bangkok this morning. Ko Banyar is waiting for you upstairs," he said, so I followed him.
Oh, when I met U Banyar in the room at the top of the stairs and he said, "Come, sit," I sat down in a chair, realizing it was the U Banyar I knew. Since I was young, whenever my Thai auntie (my current employer) came to the house, U Banyar was the one who drove her. I was fond of him just as I was of my auntie. Whatever the case, I felt encouraged.
"Uncle, I don't know anything, please help me out a bit," I said.
"Don't you worry about a thing. You have to take over my job now. It’s a perfect fit for you young people. Don't worry, for the matter of the two groups, I'll work with you before I retire," he replied.
"Uncle, are you retiring for good from your job?" I asked.
"Yes, of course. I'm over 60 now. What? Did you think I was a kid?" he joked. "You will have to take over this room. I'll give you advice. The old lady is yours to handle. After working for a month or two, there's a room downstairs where the former chairman of the Yangon Company used to sit. Just say you want to move to that room; you should move. The room is exceptionally decorated. Here, the old lady's office is just across the way, so if anything comes up, she tends to easily call out 'Banyar, Banyar,' so it would be like having two jobs as her assistant."
That day, we didn't talk much about work. During lunchtime, we ended up drinking beer at a restaurant, and in the evening, I went home. In the following days, as U Banyar taught and explained things to me, I realized that my job responsibility was very similar to that of a tour guide. The slight difference was that before the guests arrived, I had to meet in advance with the divisional commanders and ministers they wanted to see upon their arrival, and to ensure everything went smoothly, I had to meet with the office chiefs beforehand and give them large, substantial gifts.
Once the meeting dates were confirmed and hotel bookings were made, I had to type up a trip schedule plan, detailing everything from the day they arrived until the day they departed, noting the date and time, down to details like avoiding MSG and arranging special meals for those with diabetes. It even included taking them to nightclubs at night. I came to learn that this job was given the title of "Protocol Officer." In the beginning, being smartly dressed at every club started to feel like part of the job.

The Dark Side of the Fishing Industry (2)
======================
Chapter (2)
Selling dog meat with goat's head tied to it.

For Thura, using fax and email, along with programs like Excel and Word, was as natural as eating a meal. His typing skills were on par with a DTP operator. So, he sent a fax to the Thai head office detailing the business and investment opportunities in Myanmar, along with the personal information and a copy of the passport of the person who would be visiting. The rest of the arrangements were up to him. For example, let's say the objective was to explore opportunities for jade and gem mining in Myanmar.
Under normal circumstances, one could seek guidance from: (1) U Hla Myint, also known as Colonel Hla Myint, at the Nawarat Hotel, or (2) Ko Kyaw Win Oo, the son of Brigadier General Kyaw Win, the Director of the Directorate of Defence Services Procurement.
For the current matter, Ko Kyaw Win Oo had already made a call to the Office Head of the Ministry of Mines, a position equivalent to an Inner Secretary in modern terms. This role involved direct contact with the Minister, the Director-General, and all other directors. It was understood to be on par with a Director-level position or a Lieutenant Colonel, with an office within the Minister's wing. When dealing with the military and government departments, one had to speak sweetly and tactfully. However, based on the instructions from the person who provided the guidance, you had to make it happen, no matter what. You had to strive for the best possible outcome. For instance, if U Hla Myint said, "I've already spoken to Khin Nyunt, you just go and talk to the minister," you would respectfully go to the minister with a gift basket and say, "Minister, this is based on the guidance of U Hla Myint and General Khin Nyunt, so I would like the permit to be issued this month. This is the instruction I was given." You had to get the job done in one go.
Then, the relevant directors would provide a pile of application forms and maps. Once those were received, a report would be sent to the Thai businessperson detailing which parts of Myanmar produce jade and gems, the tax rates, the business operation models, the potential duration of the application process, and so on. If they gave the okay, a formal request for a meeting with the Minister would be submitted on behalf of the foreign national. Once the meeting date was confirmed, a fax would be sent to the Thai businessperson with the date they needed to arrive in Yangon. When they sent back a copy of their flight ticket, a detailed trip schedule was created. This schedule included everything from the airport pickup time, the hotel and room number, where and when they would have dinner, visits to pagodas and the Bogyoke Market, the meeting at the Minister's office, and finally, the drop-off time at the airport.
This detailed schedule was sent to Thailand. Sometimes, they might request changes, for example, to visit the Thai embassy during its opening hours. During that time, I would be at my office. Copies of the final schedule were then sent to the Thai boss, "Aunty," and Ko Kyaw Win Oo. With that, the preparatory tasks before their arrival were considered complete.
Now, let me elaborate a little on the jade and gem mining business. Once we met with the Minister and started the necessary work, the file was handed over to another person on our team, the Operations Officer. My work, on the other hand, involved a variety of other potential projects: orange groves, animal feed production, and freshwater fish farming. It was quite a mix.
Later, while having drinks with friends, I asked how the jade and gem venture went. "Was it successful?" I inquired.
The way he answered was telling. "Successful or not, I can't say for sure. But I can tell you that hundreds of thousands of dollars in profit were deposited into our office account."
My eyes widened. "What? How?" I pressed.
"Thura, don't ask so many questions. Do you want a Blue Label? I'll order. It's not on me, by the way. The 'old lady' [referring to the Thai boss] told me to treat you as well."
Only then, after much probing, did he explain how they made the profit. "You see, in the mining business, you don't just start digging. You have to conduct surveys and tests to see if it's commercially viable. To enable them to start their work, our team went in with machinery from the Thai side to clear the land. In the process, we cut down and sold all the teak trees growing there. We cleared the land and even built an access road for their research team before coming back."
"Wow," I thought, "how many teak trees were there?"
"Don't ask that," he said.
I thought to myself, "It seems they cleared the entire mountain until it was bald."